It’s easy to forget your home…

I came to London in 2008, with no intention of staying for more than 1 year, because of my last experience in the UK. And for almost every year from 2008 until about 2013… I spent the months of August to January thinking about where I could go next, to finally find a home away from London and not in France.

One day, I shared this recurring thought process with a friend, and he answered with words that stayed with me for a while:

You know, it doesn’t matter where you go… At the end of the day, wherever you are, you will still have to live with yourself…

From that day on, I started to look at things through that lens and he was right… If I couldn’t feel good with myself, how could I ever find a home outside?

Things got better, I got the message and worked on myself for a few years…

But recently, I was feeling anxious, unable to get a proper night of sleep, feeling like I was in a strange place. I was wandering around, restless inside and outside, irritable and thinking bitter words that didn’t feel like “me”… “Travelling” further away from who (I think) I am with each step and thoughts, losing the connection that normally keeps me sane.

Today, I found myself again…

I left my house this morning to go meet a friend, and brought with me a book by the wise Thich Nhat Hanh, called The Art of communicating. I started reading it in the Underground and my eyes started to re-open… When my friend told me she couldn’t make it, I decided to just go and wander around the city until I found the oasis of peace and quiet I have been longing for and I sat down to read.

Thich Nhat Hanh explains that everything around you, what you see, hear, say, feel and even think, is communication. And there are Good communications and Bad communications. It is up to you which one enters you the most, depending on how mindful you are (see more on mindfulness here)
The first step in the Art of communicating is thus to be present and be “home”.

Home is the here and now, where all the wonders of life are readily available, where the wonder that is your body is available. You can’t arrive fully in the here and now unless you invest your whole body and mind into the present moment.

So… take a deep breath in and feel the air coming inside of you and filling your lungs… then breathe  out and let go of your thoughts and tension. Simply BE.